Can We Solve the Abortion Problem?

If you’ve stumbled upon this blog not knowing what you’re getting yourself into or describe yourself as someone who holds strong opinions without seeing the other side of hot topics… continue reading because we might change your mind with this super great idea that will put all other compromises to shame.

“The abortion problem” may not be what you think it is, especially if you’re a pro-life robot who thinks unborn babies have more rights than the women who carry and birth them (I can say things like this because I used to be one of you). The abortion problem being solved today is how pro-life and pro-choice believers can come together with a compromise and maybe even hug if we see fit.

 

Abortion Vouchers.

 

Let me spell out the ideal world for you. Every woman is gifted with two abortion vouchers to use throughout her life. Better yet, every woman is not just gifted, but entitled to these vouchers through our unalienable rights which should soon be added to the Declaration of Independence right after we correct the part where only men are created equal *side eye*

Women can either choose to use them or choose to not -much like the current process where any woman can choose to get an abortion or not. But you only get two. Its like grade school when you were only given a certain amount of restroom passes for the semester and had to choose to use them wisely or risk no permission being granted to leave the room and peeing your pants in front of your peers.

Pro-life supporters -nothing really changes for you. You still have the same options as before and can choose to use them or not, but you also don’t get a say in whether other women use them or not. Compromise: The number one woman can have is regulated. Congrats.

Pro-choice supporters-¬†nothing really changes for you. You still have the same options as before and can choose to use them or not, but you also don’t get a say in whether other women use them or not and you only get two. Compromise: You can’t make the choice to abort every single time (not that anyone would choose to do that anyway). Once your two vouchers are gone, its over.

 

No one gets everything they want and but everyone gets something. I didn’t take any business classes in college, but this sounds like a negotiation to me.

I would register at Whataburger

I know a couple who recently decided to spend the rest of their lives together. Cool stuff, right? They’re planning a wedding and putting together details, and its basically going to be one big party where I get to dance with my favorite people, drink, and even make a really cool speech that I’ve been planning for the past few years. At the end of the night, we’ll send them away, clean up the mess, and pack up all their gifts that were received after the couple went to stores, walk around with shiny little laser guns, and selected all the nice things they wanted to be given as a congratulations for doing what they’ve already been doing for the past seven years which is spending every minutes of their lives with each other. Sounds kind of shady to me. Essentially, wouldn’t you think the fancy day and huge party and everyone calling it “your big day” be enough? Instead, they deserve to be rewarded for finding someone else to sit through long car rides with and whisper to at horrendous family dinners. Don’t get me wrong, marriage is cool and all, but what about all those people who are facing the cold harsh world all by themselves and don’t get a big party or congratulations for wanting to stay single and get asked at every holiday why they haven’t brought home anyone special? Don’t we deserve blankets to keep us warm at night and celebratory kitchen appliances to cook all of our meals for one? Where’s my forever alone registry, huh?

What is Potpourri and Why are We Against it?

It seems like everything childhood me aspired to have is coming back in style these days. All denim on denim, overalls (see previous post- Overalls: What’s the scuttlebutt?), chokers, and gel pens are everywhere, but I have a new suggestion that should be resweeping the nation: Potpourri.

Potpourri has understandably been given a bad rep because I’m pretty sure it was invented by a crazy grandmother who wore too much perfume. When I was little, I literally thought that my great grandmother’s potpourri was her idea of crumbly up all the dead remains of ¬†any flowers she had ever been given into a bowl and spraying way too much of her always incredibly strong to mask the old smell perfume on it. I can still name all the places in her house where a bowl of this could be found and tell you the paths I took to avoid the smell and coming into contact with whatever other dead or undead things that lived inside that bowl.

Now that I’m older and obviously wiser, it pains me to think about the attitude I had toward such an innocent and honestly quite genius idea that potpourri is. Its basically just nice smelling confetti and as far as I’m concerned, everyone likes confetti. It sits there doing its own thing, keeping the room from smelling like butt, and gives a nice splash of color to whatever boring decor is surrounding it. Its fun to look at, explore, smell, and you have to change it less than a Glade air freshener. Its pretty much like permanent Febreeze so when you use the bathroom at someone’s house you don’t have to light a candle or risk them hearing you spray the Febreeze. Isn’t that doing everyone a favor?

Also, if you’re like me and it reminds you of your grandparent’s, why are we complaining about that? We like the smell of fresh baked cookies and home made apple butter. Isn’t potpourri kind of the same thing? Maybe we should be soaking up all the potpourri we can get before its untimely death and we don’t get to see it anymore.