Should you get a dog?

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably day dreamed about getting your own little ball of fluff and drool since you were a small child. I’ve thought about it almost obsessively since I left home for college. I had a breed and a name picked out far in advance of me having the funds to even think about getting one. It finally happened though. I finally have my own pup, and I’m pretty happy, but there are plenty of days where I wish I still didn’t.

Getting a dog is a lot of what I imagine it’s like to have a perpetual two year old living with you. Most people are excited to see you coming because two year olds/dogs are cute and fun, but then you have to take it home with you and it just never leaves. They are always there. Even when you need to use the bathroom, you have to leave the door open because you need to be able to yell at them when you hear them breaking something. I can’t take a shower without my dog trying to bite me through the shower curtain. Silence is rare, and never a good sign. Even in the dead of night you will wake up to your dog licking itself, which is grossest sound, but at least if it’s doing that it isn’t tearing a hole in something else.

Owning a dog isn’t all cons. You will have a permanent reason to leave a party whenever you want (even if you don’t want to). You will always have someone to help you finish your leftovers (even when you were planning on eating them, you just sat them on the counter for one second). You will sometimes be forced to exercise, and you will sometimes have to force your furry friend to exercise. You will get to learn a lot about the digestive system of a dog and what will pass through it and what will come up (my dog once puked up 3 whole toys in one day. Not sure where they came from, but I know where they went). You will have a cute cuddle buddy (but one who does not appreciate or want your love).

If you felt like keeping your Tamagotchi alive was even the slightest bit of a challenge, probably don’t get a dog. They are a pretty big drain on your lifestyle. One night you will be living it up on the town, and then the next morning you will be cleaning some other living beings diarrhea out of your carpet at 6:30 in the morning. Dogs are great. They are fun, and cute, and provide a limitless supply of love (even if they show it with their teeth), but trust me when I tell you, you should not get a dog. At the very least, don’t get a dog until you have someone else in your life that you can guilt into cleaning up the poop smashed into your carpet.