How Will We Know the World is Ending?

I’m sure there are many different paths to the end of life as we know it. Maybe an asteroid hits and pushes us too close to the sun. Maybe someone will finally recreate Jurassic Park, and the dinosaurs will eat us all. Maybe Trump will finally fulfill all of CNN’s nightmares. There is no way to tell what might actually take us down. It could be anything. It could come from anywhere, but I have one pretty concrete theory of my own, and it all starts with one telltale sign.

CHICK-FIL-A WILL RUN OUT OF CHICK-FIL-A SAUCE.

Hear me out. I’ve done a fair amount of research (0 research), and I think that this event will start an unstoppable chain reaction that can destroy the world.

First, Chick-fil-A will run out of their delicious, sweet and savory sauce. I will be forced to take my business elsewhere, as I’m sure others will as well. Chick-fil-A will rapidly lose popularity. Chicken farmers will have millions of of chickens that don’t get bought/eaten (vegans will rejoice). Those chickens will just get to grow old and die

Then, burger joints will become all the rage again. Chicken farmers will turn to beef. The cows will drink too much water and eat too much grass. They will probably be extra gassy cows. This extra gas will help overwhelm the already overwhelming amount of green house gas emissions. Global warming will then be worse than ever before causing global extreme weather events. We will be slowly killed by cow farts.

I don’t know if we can stop this chain of events. I know we can’t stop global warming, but I can tell you the small part I’m playing that will most certainly help. I’m stocking up on Chick-fil-A sauce now before its too late.  Some people might want to call it stealing when you take more sauce than you actually need, but Chick-fil-A is one of those good Christian restaurants that wants to believe the best in people. They will never suspect a thing. So, help me save the world. Eat more Chick(-fil-A)en.

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