Inauguration Day: What really happened?

You may have noticed some recent commotion caused by newly elected president DJ Trump. (I have decided to call him this because it helps me disillusion myself from the truth that Donald Trump is actually our president) He seems to be claiming that over 1 million people attended his inauguration while the news cameras and aerial shots show drastically less. So I have taken it upon myself to answer the question at hand: What happened to all the people that were supposedly at DJ’s party?

I think the first, and most likely scenario, is that there were closer to a million people there, but they were all cave dwellers that came out into the sun for the first time in years to celebrate the election of their lord and savior. You can’t see them in the picture, because they are obviously pale white people that blend into the white of the ground/sidewalk in the heavily circulated picture.

Another possibility is that Donald Trump is actually doing the country a solid and trying to reveal the President’s Book of Secrets to us one secret at a time. Maybe there were actually 1 million people there, but they were abducted by aliens (or Russians) and the media is trying to cover it up, but our boy DJ is trying to keep it real because he cares about us. (And also because he’s too racist to willfully concede any competition to a black man).

Then we come to the last possibility, that there was actually nowhere close to 1 million people there, and Trump just imagined them. If he has this many imaginary friends it explains sooo much.

 

Friend Quote Friday

We realized that Landslide Thursday has come to an end, and we dreamed up something a little more exciting to take its place. Over the past year, we have taken meticulous notes on every funny thing that our friends have said. These are real life. They actually happened. read it and weep.

 

“That doesn’t even look like it could have come out of Jennifer Lawrence’s vagina.” ~Jacob Rice