I’m sure by now you know that the worst has happened. The world is ending. The man with the tiny hands has become our president-elect. Once, I almost sung his praises to get my roommate’s Columbian boy-toy deported so that I could get my couch back, but my life is a little different now and I no longer feel the same way. I moved, (the boy-toy moved with us) but I have my own section of the house, and he has gone from taking up an entire couch to taking up a small chair next to the internet router (because apparently, “the wi-fi is faster there.”) He also pays rent, and I’m pretty sure my roommate now performs the sexual favors for rent money, instead of the other way around.
All of the almost good things in my life (the small Columbian man who does the dishes, and sometimes plays board games when we need an extra player) could be deported by the great lizard overlord DT. I almost lost all hope. Until I had some thoughts that pretty much make everything ok again.
The first (highly unlikely) scenario is that we are all in the matrix. Someone has hacked the machines from the outside and planted the ‘Donald Trump’ bug in the system hoping that we would all wake up because there is no way that the orange man could ever be President of the United States. I don’t think it worked. If we are in the matrix, the machines are winning. Actually, this fixes nothing. nvm.
I was pretty hooked on this matrix idea for a while, probably mostly because I wanted to live out my action movie fantasies (I also wanted to hang out with Keanu), but then I realized that Donald Trump as president-elect could be one of the best things to ever happen to me. I didn’t vote for Donald Trump because I thought I was doing a solid for America, but I actually think I was doing it a pretty big disservice. DT as president will probably (hopefully) be one of the funniest things that has ever happened. SNL will have new political material every single day. Think of all the sketches that will happen. I now get to wake up every morning excited to watch the news. It’s like the U.S. just started a nation-wide reality show starring the already t.v. ready Trump clan. They won’t even have to create the drama, Donnie and Co. will do that on their own.
This might seem a little extreme, but one of the first signs of the fall of rome was there obsession with entertainment over the state of the country, and if we’re doomed to go down I at least want it to be entertaining. Plus, the sun is going to explode in 5 billion years so why does any of this matter anyway?