Who remembers the phone call?

This summer, the world of pop culture was hit with one of its biggest scandals yet…KIM K RECORDED THE PHONE CALL. Which probably means that TSwift was lying to protect her image, but who can blame her because her current image is pretty flawless. Now Taylor looks like the bad guy and Kanye gets away with being Kanye which is almost a crime in and of itself, but what if there was a really good reason why Taylor said the phone call never happened? Taylor Swift suffers from short term memory loss.

TSwift said the phone call never happened because she doesn’t remember that the phone call happened. She forgot it as soon as it occured. Why haven’t we heard about this until now? She doesn’t want anyone to know because the media would obviously take advantage of her, but she has tried to leave us hints. Why else do you think she spends her time writing break up songs? If she didn’t have the song playing constantly in the background, she would forget that she ever broke up with the guy in the first place.

Did you ever wonder why her and Ellen Degeneres were such good friends? It’s because Ellen knows all. The part of Ellen that is Dory feels this really deep connection to Tswift. They are basically bonded for life. Blood Sisters.

Here is the worst part of it all: She is ruining her own love life.

“Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won’t see
That I want and I’m needing everything that we should be
I’ll bet she’s beautiful, that girl he talks about,
And she’s got everything that I have to live without.”

That girl is you Taylor! Don’t let Drew go!

Kanye may have won this round, but I don’t think we can blame TSwift.

I would register at Whataburger

I know a couple who recently decided to spend the rest of their lives together. Cool stuff, right? They’re planning a wedding and putting together details, and its basically going to be one big party where I get to dance with my favorite people, drink, and even make a really cool speech that I’ve been planning for the past few years. At the end of the night, we’ll send them away, clean up the mess, and pack up all their gifts that were received after the couple went to stores, walk around with shiny little laser guns, and selected all the nice things they wanted to be given as a congratulations for doing what they’ve already been doing for the past seven years which is spending every minutes of their lives with each other. Sounds kind of shady to me. Essentially, wouldn’t you think the fancy day and huge party and everyone calling it “your big day” be enough? Instead, they deserve to be rewarded for finding someone else to sit through long car rides with and whisper to at horrendous family dinners. Don’t get me wrong, marriage is cool and all, but what about all those people who are facing the cold harsh world all by themselves and don’t get a big party or congratulations for wanting to stay single and get asked at every holiday why they haven’t brought home anyone special? Don’t we deserve blankets to keep us warm at night and celebratory kitchen appliances to cook all of our meals for one? Where’s my forever alone registry, huh?