“Well, I’ve been ‘fraid of changing, cause I built my life around you…”
“And I’m getting older, too”
It seems like everything childhood me aspired to have is coming back in style these days. All denim on denim, overalls (see previous post- Overalls: What’s the scuttlebutt?), chokers, and gel pens are everywhere, but I have a new suggestion that should be resweeping the nation: Potpourri.
Potpourri has understandably been given a bad rep because I’m pretty sure it was invented by a crazy grandmother who wore too much perfume. When I was little, I literally thought that my great grandmother’s potpourri was her idea of crumbly up all the dead remains of any flowers she had ever been given into a bowl and spraying way too much of her always incredibly strong to mask the old smell perfume on it. I can still name all the places in her house where a bowl of this could be found and tell you the paths I took to avoid the smell and coming into contact with whatever other dead or undead things that lived inside that bowl.
Now that I’m older and obviously wiser, it pains me to think about the attitude I had toward such an innocent and honestly quite genius idea that potpourri is. Its basically just nice smelling confetti and as far as I’m concerned, everyone likes confetti. It sits there doing its own thing, keeping the room from smelling like butt, and gives a nice splash of color to whatever boring decor is surrounding it. Its fun to look at, explore, smell, and you have to change it less than a Glade air freshener. Its pretty much like permanent Febreeze so when you use the bathroom at someone’s house you don’t have to light a candle or risk them hearing you spray the Febreeze. Isn’t that doing everyone a favor?
Also, if you’re like me and it reminds you of your grandparent’s, why are we complaining about that? We like the smell of fresh baked cookies and home made apple butter. Isn’t potpourri kind of the same thing? Maybe we should be soaking up all the potpourri we can get before its untimely death and we don’t get to see it anymore.
As you may have noticed, a inconsiderate man with small hands is making waves in the GOP. Up until this point, I have not been a big supporter of the DT train. I would normally cast my vote with the woman my father refers to as, “that lying, murdering, whore Hillary Clinton,” but recently I realized that there are very few problems in my life that Donald Trump cannot solve.
If I need some cheering up, I just take a gander at DT’s twitter feed, or the videos of him being overtly racist and eating too many taco bowls. If I want to get into a political scuffle, I can just pull up footage of a DT rally. If I need someone to be the asshole to my friends, DT is that guy, but for the whole world. He’s like the crazy train wreck of an uncle, where you are constantly concerned for his well being, but if anything happened you would probably just stop to watch instead of actually helping. I also feel like if I ever needed a drinking buddy, DT would be there to give me a few giggles throughout the night.
The biggest promise Donald Trump has made throughout his campaign is that of the wall. I think this alone, could help me with so many issues that have risen up in my daily life. Recently, everyday when I get home, my roommate’s new Columbian boyfriend is sitting on my couch, shouting obscenities in Spanish and obsessively clicking buttons on the laptop to play the video game that he is now addicted to. I used to think that I was seeing him there because my roommate had invited him over, but I realized that he just shows up and plops himself in my living room uninvited. Sometimes my roommate will join him in the living room to watch a few episodes of Grey’s Anatomy with subtitles from the opposite couch. They don’t talk, touch, or even look at each other. After a couple episodes, my roommate gets up and retreats to the bedroom without a word. The only logical explanation is that my roommate is now trading my wifi password for sexual favors.
I have tried a few ways to get rid of this problem, but nothing seemed to stick. Then it hit me, all I have to do is support the Donald Trump band wagon and all my problems would go away because this Columbian boyfriend also happens to be an illegal immigrant. While under normal circumstances, I would not support the building of a wall this situation has forced my hand. I will pledge my support to the great lizard overlord DT, as long as I get my couch back (and I don’t have to change my wifi password).
“But time makes you bolder,
Even children get older.”
“Well I’ve been afraid of changin’ ’cause I built my life around you.”
“Can I handle the seasons of my life? “